"In the build-up to the redundancy, I felt really powerless, stressed and demotivated. I like to do my job well and be as helpful as possible, but I just felt like I was completely useless." 

My last job was as a part-time business administrator at a small Cornish company. It only lasted 3 or 4 months because of internal problems.

When I started, I could feel something was going wrong after just a few weeks. The energy levels were very low and everybody was losing their motivation. Then I was told one of the directors was having personal problems and it might affect our workload. We tried to distribute the workload between us, to take on what she couldn't manage, but I was only part-time and they couldn't pay me any more, so it was very difficult to fit it all in. I had had to say that I couldn't do it, so we reduced the number of projects - but then lost a large amount of budget and I was eventually made redundant.

In the build-up to the redundancy, I felt really powerless, stressed and demotivated. I like to do my job well and be as helpful as possible, but I just felt like I was completely useless...like I couldn't bring anything to the company and it was only getting worse. It was pretty soul destroying.

It affected my relationship too. I was so down, and it was really hard for my partner. Even before I was made redundant, I was so demotivated, I'd get home and collapse. We had lots of arguments because of that, and the questions I had about what I was doing and where I wanted to be.

When I was finally made redundant, my first feeling was actually relief that this horrible situation had actually come to an end. But then, when I woke up on the second day I felt so depressed. That was a job I really wanted and it felt like a failure.

It made me wonder, "What am I good at?" If I failed at that, something I really wanted, then what can I do?

My employers didn't give me any support in terms of where I could go for help afterwards. Although they were very sorry for me, they didn't know what was out there and how to help me. I think they would have benefitted from business support too. I haven't had any careers advice or support, just my friends.

I also found it very difficult to find the motivation and confidence to look for a job. I felt depressed. Lots of people said I should just get a job in a bar or restaurant, but that's not what I want to do. I have to start finding work that matches my qualifications, I want to thrive in my career...but I felt like I was going backwards.

I wanted to see someone who could analyse my skills and tell me what to do because I felt completely lost. I had really enjoyed working for different cultural organisations in Cornwall and I felt that was my path. But because of this failure, I questioned why I was in Cornwall, why did I want to work in culture if I'm not able to do it, and where should I go? What should I do? What am I?!

Everything spirals and breaks down. Your job connects you to your environment, and if you lose that then everything falls apart and you lose direction.

Then I started volunteering in an organic farm, because I really needed to get my frustration, nerves and depression out of my system. I really enjoyed it, I was working the land in fresh air, doing physical exercise rather than being on a computer all day, and it made me think maybe I want to be a gardener. But then what about my qualifications?

I've applied for a few jobs but haven't had any luck yet. Some people are really good at interviews - I think I lack the skills to really sell myself in an interview. I also lack confidence in giving presentations - I almost didn't apply for one job because I couldn't face giving the presentation, but my friends persuaded me.

It would be really useful to have more training and practice with presentation and interview training. If I knew a bit about website management and digital marketing, I think that would also really help.

Marion Monnier - 27